I Think My Boyfriend’s Family Doesn’t Like Me

I Think My Boyfriend’s Family Doesn’t Like Me

What do you do when you have to attend a holiday or an event with your lover and their parents and you aren’t a huge fan of their family? Pretty sticky icky right?! Trust me!! dinner can be very awkward, sitting in his parents front room while you awaiting for him to get ready and you can feel them giving you the side eye from across the room (loool I’ve been there before). So what do you do in awkward situations like this especially when you start to think that they don’t like you?
I’ve been waiting to talk about this for ages so here we go.

Throughout life you will discover that you may not always get along with your spouse’s family. There are a multitude of reasons why someone’s peoples may or may not like you but the important thing to keep in mind is the fact that those people are your spouse’s family and you will have to deal with them if you want to be in a relationship with him. If you’re having issues with your man’s family you should try and talk to them and see how you can work out the situation and try to change it. The family are important and no one should ever have to choose between a loved one and their family. Try to find a common ground and maintain a good attitude. Just smile and nod , out of respect keep he street slang to a minimum. (u get me lool) You be surprised continually doing this will slowly break down the barriers. Most of the time when family members do this is because they are being protective. Maybe something happened in the past with someone else so they do not readily welcome new people into their zone. You will find that as they get to now you and you are always polite that they will start to warm to you.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? We would love to hear from you on what did you do and if it worked for you?

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The MO-AM Network. A Lifestyle channel, on fashion, entertainment, love and sex for career driven, young and ambitious women.

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13 comments

  1. Sara

    Hey, I’ve been with my bf for almost 3 years now, I am 23 he is 27. I initially thought his family loves me. They live in a different country in eastern europe, i am originally from there, but like my bf I moved to London to study. Well, so i visited them a couple of time and they visited us here and i talked on skype with them when he was there obviously, so i thought they really liked me. I have a Master, i am quite educated, my family also lives here they work as doctors, i think i am pretty to some extent and nice and i have always been polite to them as in always!!! but i don’t really care where people are from, i am friends with everyone, as long as i like them and they are nice, i don’t judge their background, i feel lucky i have my family and proud of my parents’ accomplishments and my own, and i also feel proud of my bf accomplishments, he is not finishing his second degree. And well i really thought everyone liked me, his parents had a bad divorce and his mother’s sister is very close to them. Several months ago, i read an email from his aunt saying that he should hold onto me that she;s glad he found somebody good and so on. so i felt pretty good and didn’t worry about them. then last night I read this email from his aunt,saying that he shouldn’t be in a relationship if he is not happy, that he shouldn’t let me or my family put him down just because they have a better job then them, that he shouldn’t feel humiliated in front of us and that i’m a hypocrite and she doesn’t like relationships like i have with my parents if they make a difference between their children (i have a brother who is not very responsible so my parents have different expectations from me and from him, and my bf know this and he doesnt like). and she made it look like he had told her he wasn’t happy with me and so on..so naturally i texted him asking him why didn’t he tell me he is not happy, and since when am i or my family putting him down? and humiliating him? ( my bf looks confident but he is slightly insecure when it comes to studying, i am always encouraging and telling him i am proud and that he is smarter than he thinks) and well he hadn’t read the email yet, so he came home and read it and said it isn;t like that and i should talk to him and i said ok i will listen and he said that well apparently his aunt had been in a depression for like 10 years and that she was an alcoholic and that he hadn’t told me cause i had a very high opinion of her and i respected her and that he didn’t want to ruin that and also that he was ashamed and stuff and well even if that’s true, at the end of the day my main problem wasn’t that she didn’t like me it was that i thought he said to her he didn’t want to be with me. and he said that his aunt always send contradictory emails and so on and that you can’t talk with her after 2pm and that she had send many other emails but he deleted them so i wouldn’t see them and so on, and well that his mother really likes me, but his aunt is over controlling and has many problems and she is like this because of drinking….i am not sure, i didn’t really believe this whole story, it sort of seemed to much, it seemed like it was just the perfect thing to get out of the issue the email had created and the thing is he said to me he never said anything to his aunt about us or my family, but then his aunt said my parents make differences between me and my brother which is true and since she never met my parents how can she know, i said to him that i just wanted to go away for the night to a friend and think about everything, and he said i have to believe him cause he wants to be with me and after 3 years in which he had been hard as a rock, i finally saw him tearing up in front of me when i was packing an overnight bag, this of course made me stay and believe him, but now that everything passed, i wonder, did he really not say anything about wanting to break up with me? (i mean what kind of person simply makes up the fact that he wants to?) and also what should i do about the aunt? now that i know she doesn’t like me, when she is gonna be all nice to me, the only thing i’ll be thinking about is that she is the hypocrite here. what do you thing?

    1. peeks

      hi sara, wow that’s quite a story, sorry to hear you had been upset.Relationships are never easy especially if there is a loved ones family involved and influential but not for the better, so many people have family drama so dont feel your alone!. I think if your boyfriend wanted out of the relationship that would have been the perfect opportunity to tell you so, not beg you to stay and tear up about it, unless he just realised he made a huge mistake and that gave him the scare he needed to realise what he wants.

      Families can pry for information and he obviously spoke about your family situation, but i can totally understand what he means by an alcoholic as i have experienced this with a family member myself and yes you can tell them things when sober and they can totally twist out of context and be very bitter towards people who are not in their family but date loved ones, due to them being bitter about their own past experiences, no one is ever good enough or allowed to make mistakes. One minute their fine when sober next its a totally different person who cant see reason when drunk, and yes it can be very embarrassing because you don’t know what they are capable of saying so you keep that part or person at a distance. he may even have told another family member about something and not her but she is writing him what SHE thinks or imagined the situation to be, that is also a possibility.

      Men take it hard when they are not the overall leaders in their household financially, knowledge wise and so on, so its great to hear you encourage him, this is very important to keep doing so he will always strive to be his best, hopefully in time his insecurity will pass, but its also best to keep this same support & encouragement as you become more successful, so he doesn’t feel his manhood is under attack, that’s just how it is, no matter what man you date.

      This is dark side to your boyfriends life you are now experiencing and he did share it with you which was probably a big step for him as well as a huge relief but he may be worried what you think as it seems you come from a loving supportive family and you also have it together, your finishing your studies, he’s not, maybe cause he’s afraid of falling in your eyes? this is not your fault & u shouldnt feel bad about it but just be aware so it doesnt make him feel insecure about his family and achievements. If he is acting any different towards you like he wants to leave, he’s not affectionate, or sharing with you, this can be questioned and you can tell by his actions. Only you will know this and then its best to confront if you need re-assuarnce before you pour yourself into your relationship.

      You are dating him not his family, makes it easier when everyone gets along but trust me, as much as people smile there will always be something they wont like, i bet you never liked everyone you came across lol if he sees that you can handle his family for the good and bad but still be there for HIM it will just encourage him, dont slander them, we must always be respectful to elders, if they are mean to you just keep them at distance. a relationship is only strong because the 2 people have each others back first, worry about others later and treat your man like the leader of the household unless he says he wants out. Hope this helps

      May the most high bless you & guide you x

  2. Kim

    In May 2011 I met my ex boyfriend. Things were good. I met his family, they really liked me. In august 2011 I fell down his stairs and broke my hand and foot. Lost my job, and home as I had to move in with him so he could take care of me.
    I was ok’d to go back to work in Jan. I sent out100s of resumes. I was having no luck. Things were pretty good with us. On April 25, 2012 I was doing stock market for him and had a loss of $300. He came home furious(this man is a real cheap). This was a pretty big fight and we really never fought.
    He went to call the stock company tried to get out of it but was after 4 so couldnt. He was to call next a.m. and get out of it. I offered to give him back the $300. Anyway, he went to his families for a dinner and i decided to stay home as things were tense. In that time I wrote an email to his mom saying we were breaking up(not broken up) etc. and told the story. I thought she could help.
    He comes back and says the best thing for him to do is go stay at his moms and he packed his bags took both cars and left. I tried calling him, emailing, texting, no answer. Next a.m. we email a couple times and he says how he wants to come home and talk to me. I was waiting for him and then that afternoon I get an email from a lawyer telling me I had to be out in 3 days. I was shocked. I tried again to get him to talk in the next couple days and also emailed his family trying to get them to talk to me and tell me what was wrong. Nothing.
    I leave. A few weeks later after still trying to contact him I call his work # and ask him what happened tec if he was ever going to talk again and he said he was going to call me. Oh, one reason I contacted him is i saw the stock account and he never got out of that stock like he was supposed to. I dont know why, he ended up losing $3000. All he had to do was call them! I think he blames me for that. had i been with him i would have sold it next a.m., was my plan. He knew to get out and didnt.

    He told his family in may we were talking and working on things but they said i was not welcome over there any more. I guess because I was the messenger of truth. I found a bunch of pornography on his comp and told them.

    I was totally blindsided by everything. 2 mos b4 this happened I sold my car as he said we were together forever and i could drive his other car. I did and i helped him out with some of the $.

    We try to make it work. In July I ended relations with him as I felt used. 2 weeks after he says he doesnt love me and doesnt want to try there is no us.

    Before we recently started talking again it has been 6 weeks since I saw him. Last time I was at his house he swore on the bible he didnt love me and only thought he did in the beginning. However, he also slipped and said he had many sleepless nights over this all and what to do , meaning hisi feelings for me and what his mom said.

    I believe he buried his feelings for me and i know he did love me. he reads to this day my emails to him as he even told me so. If a man wanted nothing to do with u wouldnt they delete them and block u? he calls sometimes. I have alawsuit out against his homeowners to pay my hosp bills and i told him i would pay him back some when i got it. Part of me thinks he was holding on for that. But I believe because he slipped and said he had the sleepless nights that he has tried to convince himself he doesnt care about me. he wont tell me to go away and leave him alone or fix it either. I told him it isnt right, it isnt fair to me. I even asked in email if his mom would go to counseling with me, no answer. I dont get why they wont talk to me when ive clearly proved I didnt do the wrong. he did.

    Do I keep trying or do I walk away and not talk to him anymore? Do you think what I do that he buried his feelings? He to this day I honestly dont believe has been with another woman and his past dictates he would have. I am also the only woman he never cheated on.

    Thoughts opinions, im an idiot for stilll talking to him and trying? This has been a nightmare and I am at a loss.

    1. Kim

      I finally got a full time job after he threw me out , it took me 6 mos total. I have a friend who just got a full time job and took her 2 1/2 yrs. This economy is horrible. Should I have been treated that way for not being able to find a job?

  3. Mallory

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. I’m pretty convinced that his family on his mom’s side absolutely hates me—it’s not like they’ve put forth any effort to make me think otherwise. These people aren’t constantly around, in fact, we usually only seem them three or four times a year, if that, but it still bothers me that they’ve been so disrespectful to me. He doesn’t have the best relationship with his mom because, in all honesty, she’s selfish and so self absorbed. His parents had a pretty messy divorce when he was younger and I think him and his little brothers have a hard time forgiving their mom for ruining their family. With that being said, the problem starts with Facebook. His mother added me as a friend not too long after we started dating. He had told me in the beginning that he didn’t have the best relationship with her, but she still loves of, of course—it’s still his mom. Anyways, as time went on, I noticed that she had consistent communication with his ex-girlfriend. An ex-girlfriend who treated him horribly, and took him on a vacation only to have him pay for everything and then break up with him. Classy, right? So, I’d constantly see on his mother’s Facebook where her and this ex-girlfriend would talk to each other like they were long lost friends. He didn’t even date this girl very long, and even still, she was only around that part of his family a handful of times. I found the fact that they basically just sat and kissed each other’s asses all the time to be extremely disrespectful to me. I dealt with it and kept my mouth shut many many times, until a couple of days after Christmas, I finally reached my breaking point. I finally confronted his mother about her dealings with this crazy bitch on Facebook, and she pretty much acted as though she hadn’t done anything wrong and then went back to doing the same things. I ultimately unfriended her and let it be. If they want to be fake, catty bitches, let them. His grandmother was also guilty of being all buddy buddy with this ex-girlfriend, but after I confronted his mom about it and realized that I was actually hurt by their actions, she has stopped. I was fine with not having a relationship with his mom because he really doesn’t even have a relationship with her. His mom’s sister, on the other hand, was a completely different story. She was always very nice to me, and even seemed to be sympathetic to the fact that I had felt to disrespected by his mom, but that changed, too. Just yesterday. The recent election has managed to bring the worst out in people, and I guess that’s what happened with her. We share very different political opinions, and that’s fine. Some of my best friends’ beliefs are at the opposite end of the spectrum than mine, but we still get along wonderfully. On election day, I posted a Facebook status that she apparently didn’t agree with, or it struck some sort of nerve with her or whatever… but she actually unfriended me. Because of something that was said…. ON FACEBOOK. Really? You’re a thirty-five year old woman. Grow up. I am so fed up with these people. I have never in my life met a more fake, judgmental group of people. I’ve seen them be just as sweet and welcoming as they can be to some of my boyfriend’s friends, but no, not to me. I feel like they’ve been rude, disrespectful, and unwelcoming to me and I’m tired of it. I love my boyfriend very much and for his sake, I really don’t want to hate any member of his family, but my God… these people are so relentless. I don’t know how I should handle the situation. I’m definitely done trying at this point. They have no reason to treat me as though I’m not good enough by some ridiculous standard. I do everything I possibly can to make their son/grandson/nephew happy. I want to tell them what I think of them and then just wash my hands of it, but I don’t know whether or not that would be the right move. Do I really need to burn these bridges, or should I just let it go and walk away looking like the better person?

    1. peeks

      gosh nothing worse than unnecessary drama! its such a delicate subject but what comes first is your relationship with ur man, keep that strong first as your not dating his family! once you guys are strong together even his family wont be able to tell him anything. If his family are going to be like that i wouldnt try to get them to like me, especially if they are the type of people who dont even respect their own son, what chance do u stand??.

      You cant win them all, this can even cause unwanted stress and tension between u & ur man especially if he feels he always has to reassure you or take sides, dont put him in that position. b confident in who u are and ur relationship and just stay clear of negativity. if they decide they want to welcome you back & be respectful to u both then hey go ahead, other than that dont stress yourself, always keep it classy & show ur man ur strong enough to deal with this type of stuff without stooping to low levels, ur the one who will shine in his eyes. may the most high bless u both x

  4. Takara

    Hi there! I recently within the past few months have been receiving the dislike from my boyfriends family. I’m ready to the point to break it off with him because there is soo much with his family! It actually all happened when I miscarried and his family thought I was faking because my boyfriend wasn’t there for any appointments, ( I had videos, pictures, ultrasounds, and doctors notes to back everything up). But I’m not sure what to do with his brothers (specifically them) hating me. Is there any advice out there?

    1. peeks

      first hun im so sorry to her about the loss, has there been sumthin u can think of that triggered this resentment from them? Fist i would tell u the only thing that matters at this point is u & ur man, sounds like ur goin threw a lot & ur relationship must first b strong for others 2 believe in it. Dont worry wot others think, u & ur man must believe in each other & know u wil be there for each other no matter wot outsiders think. Take care of each others needs, build each other up & have a strong & happy household. If u can do that together outsiders wont stand a chance at tearing u apart or casting doubt in ur relationship.

      When ur both strong together if people dont welcome u together then its best to step back until they can, be respectful but stand strong. may god bless u & heal u both. xx

  5. Louise

    Me and my Fiancee got engaged last year and have been together 2 and a half years now. His family HATE me. I have had his brother call me up and shout abuse at me saying he f*ing hates me and stand me. I am 23 my fiance 25, hs brother 33! This all stemed from an innocent conversation I had with a girl that got badly twisted and was told to my fiances brother. I called him to say sorry and try to explain but all i got was abuse…so I hung up. That was Dec 2011.

    Last night was his brother bday…..I wasnt invited….but the whole family were…my Fiance still went. I feel so betrayed. We are engaged to be married but I feel asthough he doesnt stick up for me.

    His parents are very spiteful and only after 2 days of us being engaged they added my fiances ex on FB and started talking to her….Now you see what sort of people I am dealing with here.

    Last night out of anger and hurt I told my Fiance it was over….I do not want to be without him but his family make my life and our relationship so difficult.

    What do you think?

    L x

    1. peeks

      hey hun, i emailed you, please get back to me there, i know its hard but be wise before jumping into a life changing decision with an unclear head and heart, you have to find a quiet place, get honest & assess what’s really at the root of it all x bless

  6. Charlotte

    Im going thru the same situation.
    I tried to ignore the comments they’d say about me. i still plucked up the courage to visit his house, I stayed one night and that it.. their in his ear again moaning about how i shouldnt stay nd im insecure and too young and all that bollocks.
    IT DRAINS YOU BADLY!
    It makes you doubt yourself.

    It makes u feel like they make it impossible..
    How do i get over them and forget what they think.

    I Will always have it if i stay with him do i let them win n move on in life ????

    1. peeks

      hey charlotte, gosh really sorry to hear about ur situation hun. first thing i wud advise is dont worry about his family for now, i would avoid going to his house for now. work on your relationship with ur man & get that strong first , when his family see you r gud for each other & their son is happy they wont b able to interfere. ur not dating his family so don’t pressure urself to please them & allow them to put doubts in his head about u. u hav to b strong & not show weakness, show him & urself u can handle this. men want a strong secure woman, so wot if they dont like u, dont take it too serious, ur not inviting them in the bedroom, that wud just b wrong lol lighten up a lil, about it, this will let ur man see a different side to u & see his family r the ones being unreasonable not u! let his family coz stress, ul b the one there to giv him the comfort & stress free zone men crave & show him his girl can handle his family

      B sure u feel that the relationship is worth giving ur all, if its just a dating thing then an evaluation will be worth it. only u can make that decision. if the relationship is worth the long fight, then stick in there especially if u feel u will get his support if his family r talkin smack about u. Dont pressure ur man to talk to his family to treat u better, or ask him to stick up for u and make him feel torn to choose between u both, this will add strain & resentment. Dont talk bad about his family either it wont look gud on ur part, dont give them any ammo. Just be the best u can b for ur man, show him theres no girl better for him than u & if u cant win them over dont worry sum people r just mean anyhoo & no girl is ever good enuff for their son lol so get ur relationship strong & the rest will follow.

      keep me posted hun, wud u mind if i use this letter in my agony aunt section cumin soon 2 help other ladies? god bless x

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