One of the best things about being in a relationship is having someone that you can communicate with freely, openly and honestly. However, being open and honest doesn’t necessarily entail being mean or disrespectful. While you may have legitimate concerns and issues to address, HOW you talk to your partner can set the tone for your relationship…and ultimately its success. Men have feelings, just like we do, and if you don’t watch your mouth, your words can hurt him…and your relationship. If you are known to “pop off at the mouth,” think before you speak and keep in mind these things to NEVER to say to your man….
1. Your Mama…
Speaking ill of a man’s mother may get you choked out – it’s that simple. No one wants to hear anything bad about their mother (or father for that matter) – even if what you’re saying could be true. Being disrespectful , or speaking negatively about a family member near and dear to his heart will not only hurt his feelings or make him angry, but it may make him question whether or not you are someone he can or should have in his life. Unless he’s Norman Bates, belittling or complaining about his mother will only draw him closer to her and away from you. Keep your opinion of her to yourself, and find a respectful way to communicate any concerns you have about his mother so that he can address it himself.
2. My Ex Used To…You’re Just Like My Ex…
Comparing your man to your ex for some men might be worse than talking greasy about his mama. NO MAN wants to imagine his woman with another man – past, present or future – let alone be compared to someone you once had sex with…regularly. The only way you should compare him to them is if you’re saying he’s the best lover you’ve ever had…and your ex is Lexington Steele.
3. Be A Man.
By uttering those three words, you might as well crush his nuts in a vice. It’s just as emasculating. Questioning a man’s manhood might be the quickest way to finding yourself single. If you feel he’s not handling his business in any way, find a way to motivate and encourage him rather than castrate him. If he has no backbone, then bounce…but don’t question his masculinity – that doesn’t accomplish anything other than him heading for the nearest exit.
4. If You Don’t Do…I’m Leaving!
The Ultimatum – for most relationships this is the kiss of death. If you think you can force, threaten or manipulate your man into: being faithful, committing to you, marrying you, stop drinking or any other behavior you wish to change by giving him an ultimatum, you might be seriously mistaken. No one wants to feel like they’ve been forced into a corner; and by doing so, you may not get the result/reaction you were looking for. In fact, you most likely will convince him that you’re crazy and that he should retreat and do the exact OPPOSITE. If you can’t accept him for who he is and you’re not getting what you need out of the relationship, then it’s time to reevaluate. Giving ultimatums is usually born of insecurity and is an act of desperation, and will most likely scare your man away.
5. Move, I’ll Do It.
Men like to feel needed and useful. If you constantly diminish this inherent trait in him, he might begin to wonder why he’s even in the relationship. Give your significant other a chance to help you. Asking for help doesn’t make you a traitor to the feminist movement, it simply means that you don’t have to do everything yourself, and if he’s a good person, he’ll want to make sure you’re taken care of – so let him! If you do everything yourself, or tell him he’s doing something wrong, or allow your dad (or your ex) to change your tire or wash your car, then you’re sending him a message that you have no use for him in your life. If he needs your help, or help from someone else, let him be the one to say it. If you want him to be a man, let him be one!
6. You Always…You Never…
Speaking in absolutes in a negative way will always put a person on the defensive. No one wants to feel like they never do anything right or that they’re always wrong. Those phrases, no matter how nice you say them, always sound like an attack – unless you’re saying “You always take out the trash” or “You never make me feel bad.” But if you’re using those phrases in a negative way such as “You always make me feel bad” or “You never take out the trash,” all he’s going to do is leave, or attack you back – in which nothing gets accomplished. Instead of using blanket statements like these, try saying something positive first before you bring up the issue…such as “Babe, you’re usually so helpful, and I appreciate that. Would you take out the trash for me sweetie?” You catch more flies with honey, not a grimey mouth.